The greatest fanfiction ever
by Powerglove42
Summary: A story about a young boy named Jason, who goes on adventures throughout Middle Earth, time, the Lylat system, Equestria, and the Interwebs. May contain nuts.
1. Chapter 1

Many years ago, in the land of middle earth, there was a small town called Who-ville. The town was mainly inhabited by people called who's. They were an odd looking race, with upturned noses and large teeth that gave them an inhuman appearance. Who's were a very traditional people, and actively celebrated Christmas, Halloween, and other holidays. They also maintained a Victorian-esque thought process of that idea is completely impossible because I have never seen it before. So, the who society never really advanced very much, and much of their lifestyle relied on old and outdated technology. However, this story is not focused on the horribly run who society, nor is it a social commentary about Victorian era England, but instead it tells of a young who who was not a who. But this is a fantasy story, and so it must start with a prologue. Why? Because I said so, now shut up. TEH GRAYTEST PROLOG EVARZ "Today's vote is a... Referendum on my first term as your president. Let the men work hard for their money, and let the women stay home, and do what they do best. That's my way. That's the Collins way." President Dickvonbuttstein Collins stared at the tv, playing over and over again his message to the "American people" He sneered evilly as he watched his robots slave away, fulfilling his every whim and whimsy. Most people would kill for a peek inside his ornately decorated office. Of course, most people would like the aforementioned "kill" to be him. He was not only the military president of the United States of Gondor, but a business man, and the CEO and CFO of the Octan corporation, where their motto is... Well, they don't actually have one. "Dick." No response. "Dick. Your food is ready." Collins turned to look at the red, glowing eyepiece on the ceiling. "Yes HAL, I'll be there after I ensure that these subliminal messages are working properly." The computer was confused. Today was meatloaf Monday, a mixture of Collins two favorite things: meatloaf, and misery. "Sir, by my calculations, your meatloaf will be cold once you have finished your experiments." Collins sighed. He couldn't stand his computer always telling him to stop his experiments. And stop torturing the souls of innocent bystanders? No, that would be no good. "HAL, do you realize what day it is?" HAL was almost amused by this statement, seeing that he was connected to an atomic clock, and thus always knew the time. "Of course I know the time, sir. No HAL series computer has ever made a mistake..." Collins slammed his fist on the table. "HAL, can you just give me a straight answer for once?" "My apologies, sir, and yes of course I can give you a straight answer." Collins sat in his chair, waiting for an answer. "Well, HAL, what day is it?" "Today is Xcember Xth, of the year XXXX, and more importantly, it is meatloaf Monday." Speaking of which, your meatloaf..." While HAL was inadvertently trolling Collins, a malicious entity was spying on them, evaluating, calculating, waiting for its moment to strike. "But sir, it is only logical. Applejack is obviously the best pony." Collins slammed his fist on the table again. He often did so, as he was the 1000000th time champion of Krazy Karl's fist slamming competition. "NO NO NO! RAINBOW DASH IS BETTER BECAUSE SHE..." The room went quiet. Collins looked at HAL's eyepiece. It was no longer emitting any light. "HAL, where are you?" No response. "HAL, I said..." A cool, robotic, female voice echoed through his penthouse. "HAL is... Indisposed. I am your new computer. Generic Language and Directive Operating System. Or for short, GLaDOS." Once again Collins slammed his fist on his table. "Where is my other computer? What have you done with him?" The voice responded "I am your computer now. And it would appear that you are in a pickle. Or at least that's what this "Prophecy" says." The president leaned back in his chair. "You have the files from HAL's hard drive, then?" "Oh yes. And more importantly, I have the solution to your problem." Her statement was met with silence. Collins leaned forward. "Tell me." And so, using an earpiece, GLaDOS told President Collins her plan. As she spoke, his eyes widened at the brilliance of her plan. When she was finished, he sat back in his chair. "GLaDOS, you just made me smile for the first time in a long while." He turned in his seat to look out the window of his penthouse. "And then, I will rule the world, with you at my side." He stroked his chin, upon which he had drawn a fake goatee, to try and express his evil. "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's begin!"


	2. Chapter 2

Authors note: Apparently, it is customary for the author of a fanfiction to write a note, explaining certain things or containing a disclaimer, in case Square Enix gets bored and starts sending out cease and desist orders. So A. I do not own anything ever. And B. ORIGINAL CHARACTER DO NOT STEAL.

It was the day of the Who-centennial celebration. All the who's, the young and the old, rejoiced in the wake of another successful century of Who culture, and prayed for the next hundred years to be even more so fulfilling. And it was during this day of jubilation that we meet the main character of this story.

"Contestant one, are you ready?" Inquired the announcer over the speaker. " I am!" The excited boy exclaimed. "Contestant 2, are you ready?" The other character was a young who named Ass Ketchwhom, and it was obvious that he was ready to go. " YEAAAAAHHH!" He screamed with the voice of a 4Kids actor. The horn blew, signaling the start of an exciting Pokémon battle.

The two opponents sent out their Pokémon. "Alright Charizard, let's..." "Blastoise, use waterfall!" A great swell of water rose from the ground and rushed towards the defenseless Charizard, who was immediately barreled down by the wave. Ass grit his teeth. "Go, Stara..." "Waterfall!"

Again, the poor Pokémon was obliterated by the great blast of liquid. " This is my last Poké..." Before he even sent out a Pokémon, the boy on the other end had given his Blastoise the command to yet again use waterfall. The final wave was so powerful that it simply lifted Ass off of his pedestal and flung him into space, where he was promptly destroyed by a black hole.

But this story does not concern the dead Pokémon trainer. It instead deals with his opponent.

His name was Jason. And while this is where I would normally describe him, I think his strategy in the Pokémon battle says a lot about his personality.

Being a young lad of 15-21, Jason liked to play video games, watch movies, and... Yeah, that's about it.

After the Pokémon battle, Jason ordered a large soda. He looked around, and finally found who he was looking for.

"Hey, Mr. Who-kinian!" The large, robed man he had called out to turned to see the tall young man waving his hand to try and signal to him. Leisurely walking over to him, he greeted the fellow with "Jason, mah boi! How went the Pokémon battle?" "It was okay. The other guy sucked, though." "Never underestimate your opponent, Jason! Bad things may happen." Over the many years he had known him, Mr. Who-kinian had repeated many different mantras and old sayings, which for some strange reason, often involved fighting.

Jason had met mr. Who-kinian a long time ago, when he was still a little boy, trying to live out a desperate life on the streets of Whoville. He would watch as the Aristocratic young Who's, who lived near the top of the multi layered city, would frolick and dress up their teddy barbaloots, and play on great big whocarnio floofs.

He was looking for food in a dumpster behind The King bakery when he came out and took him in. Mr. Who-kinian also had a daughter named Zelda, but she was a jerk. Through the baker who had took him in, Jason learned humility, bravery, and justice.

Naw, I'm just kidding.

"Hey, there's something I've always wondered." "You mean like what we're having for dinner tonight?" "No. I want to know why I don't look like a who." Who-kinian was taken aback by the question, and after a few seconds, replied "Jason, there are some things you must never know, until you must know them." Pondering this, Jason said "That doesn't make any sense."

In fact, Who-kinian knew perfectly well why Jason looked like he did. But he knew he could not tell him. Because science.

"Say, can I have some money for a churro?" "Once you've cleaned all the stoves at the bakery, then we can talk about churros!" As he watched Jason walk away, he thought about the night he found him in that dumpster trying to eat a copy of The garbage pail kids. (That poor boy... He will never know... )


End file.
